Fool's Paradise

 In the midst of all this insanity and darkness, let me be the quiet voice of reason: The only thing that really matters is having a full tube of toothpaste.

I know, it's April Fool's Day and you might be looking for something a little lighter to even up your day. Confronting a planet that is slowly burning itself to a cinder, and the ones who can't contain their political disagreements to talk shows are taking up arms and killing one another. It's not pretty or safe out there. Which is why you should stay home and revel in the comforts available to most every American.

I spent a couple weeks pinching, squeezing and begging that last bit of Crest out of the tube, but when I finally allowed myself to look under the sink, I found a brand new tube of toothpaste waiting for me. Opening the cap and giving the tiniest nudge filled my brush with dentifrice and my heart with joy. The next couple of minutes brought me a peace I hadn't felt for a long time. It was serene. 

I feel much the same way when I notice that the toilet paper has recently been changed. No fretting about the number of squares used. No inward conservation measures. Just knowing that comfort awaits just an arm's length away is tranquility and calm in a rough sea. If you happen to be my wife, this moment of peace can be interrupted by the way the roll hangs on the spindle. She is an "over" girl, and she won't settle for anything less. Toilet paper that rolls out from beneath is not soothing. It is an affront and must be dealt with summarily. 

Outside the bathroom, there are still some moments of quietude. A full cookie jar. A clean rug. Folded laundry safe in its respective drawers. Watered plants. Outside the wars can rage on, but if the vacuuming is done there is peace in the valley. The valley of our little oasis. 

Sooner or later, of course, I will be coaxed out of my cave for want of a nail or a deli sandwich. And the disappointments that lay out there in wait never sleep. They're going to try their best to get at me when I look at the television or Al Gore's Internet, but as long as I stick with Turner Classic Movies, I'll probably be okay.

For a while. 

Until I run out of toothpaste.