Early Draft

Dear Nancy,
Yeah. Right. "Dear."
I thought we had a thing, once. Remember when you stood up and clapped at me during the State of the Union? I thought that was real.
What I'm asking is why you gotta go and do this thing? It could have been so good. DACA for you. A wall for me. Stock Market records and world leaders meeting at world class resorts: mine. Have you been to Mar-A-Lago?
Well, not like I would invite you now. Now you went and did all this bad stuff to me. When I did absolutely nothing wrong.
Nothing.
Ever.
Okay, there was that time that I fudged on my taxes for the last thirty-nine years, but who doesn't do that? Really.
This is legacy stuff we're talking about here. You will be remembered as the lady who went after the most popular president of all time. Is that what you really want?
Maybe it is. I know how you ladies in your pantsuits run. Wannabe in charge but really missing out on all the world has to offer you girls. Like that AOC woman with her pals, always trying to make a fuss when they should be watching an old movie with some friends. They should just chill.
As a matter of fact, everyone should just chill. Especially you. You and your gavel. I guess you take your "Speaker of the House" title literally. With your, "This president did this," and "This president did that." It's not like I'm the first guy to step over the line. A little bit.
Not that I'm admitting anything here. That was a perfect call. It was a perfect day. I remember it well. It was right after I had finished staring into the solar eclipse. I came inside and offered a deal to our friends if they would just do everything they could to stop corruption in their country. And if they happened to let a few juicy bits about Sleepy Joe sift in, who's to say that's not a good thing? Not that I'm admitting anything here, but wouldn't you really rather work with me than him? 
Bottom line here, Nance: I really need you to do the right thing. You are the ones interfering in America's elections. You are the ones subverting America's Democracy. You are the ones Obstructing Justice. You are the ones bringing pain and suffering to our Republic for your own selfish personal, political, and partisan gain.
How about a few tickets to my next rally? 
Think about it, kay? 
Your favorite president