Color Me Orange

I just did a little research to see how many mass killings over the course of the past few years have been committed using a Swiss Army knife. You'd be surprised to know that the number is closer to zero than you might imagine. Like so close that you couldn't possibly imagine it being any closer. Exactly none of the mass killings here, or in Switzerland have been committed with the use of a Swiss Army knife. Whether that Swiss Army knife was obtained by legal or illegal means, that number remains right at or on nothing, zilch, nada, empty set, nil, null, not. 

So why would I bother going on and on about this lack of association between Swiss Army knives and mass killings? Well, to get the answer to that, you would probably want to ask U.S. District Judge Roger Benitez. He's the one who made this comparison in his decision to rescind California's ban on assault weapons. In his decision to strike down the state's thirty-four year prohibition on guns like the AR-15, he lauded it as the "perfect combination of home defense weapon and homeland defense equipment." To be clear, it does not slice, nor does it dice, and it will not make hundreds of julienne fries in seconds. Instead, it fits neatly into the category defined by the California legislature way back when as that which "has such a high rate of fire and capacity for firepower that its function as a legitimate sports or recreational firearm is substantially outweighed by the danger that it can be used to kill and injure human beings."

And now it should also be noted that more than a quarter of all mass shootings, those that according to Congress is "murder of three or more people," involved an AR-15. Which may not seem like a lot, at first. But compared to those carried out by Swiss Army knives, it's pretty overwhelming. 

Then there's this: This past Friday, Americans were asked to be aware of Gun Violence. We were told we could wear orange to remind anyone who didn't know that every day more than one hundred Americans die from gun violence. Not exactly COVID numbers, but the idiots with guns had a pretty solid head start. Also, there seems to be no vaccination available for this disease. And Judge Benitez picked last Friday to issue his decision. "This case is not about extraordinary weapons lying at the outer limits of Second Amendment protection. The banned ‘assault weapons’ are not bazookas, howitzers, or machineguns. Those arms are dangerous and solely useful for military purposes," Benitez wrote. "Instead, the firearms deemed 'assault weapons' are fairly ordinary, popular, modern rifles. This is an average case about average guns used in average ways for average purposes."

Average purposes like killing unarmed civilians. Constitutionally guaranteed average guns that can fire three rounds a second. Over the years there have been several incidents of people being murdered with a Swiss Army knife. Gun aficionados like to scoff at those who believe that the "AR" in AR-15 stands for "assault rifle." And you may be comforted to know that the Swiss Army actually uses those multi-functional folding bits of cutlery. But when was the last time you heard about a murderous rampage taking place in Switzerland? Because the Swiss Constitution does not have any amendments in it that guaranteed its citizens knives, I expect.