Occupado

 Dear John,

    If that is your real name. You didn't bother to put a last name on the outside of the envelope with your return address, or at the bottom of your nice letter. Just your telephone number. Which I suppose puts a little of the onus on me to figure out that little mystery. 

I could do that while I am calling you to discuss your very generous offer to buy my house. You must be serious about this, since you bothered to get my address as well as my first and last name. And while I am at it, you have assured me that if I would call you within forty-eight hours, you promise to personally tell me more about your company and who we can work together. First of all, I have a bit of a confession to make: After I brought in the mail, I did open your letter right away, as I do with most correspondence. Then I did something that I feel I must be honest about: I set the letter down and left it on the side of my desk. I did not return your call in the first twenty-four hours. And you know what else? I don't think I will get around to returning your phone call for at least another twenty-four. 

I might not ever call the number you were so clever to send me. Which you seem to have anticipated by including that last paragraph in which you insist that even if I am not interested in selling you my home at this time, I should still call so that you can keep determining the value of my property. How very kind of you. And then you remind me that I should keep the letter. You know, just in case.

Just in case I should want to leave the home in which I raised a son, buried a beloved family pet, and experienced all the joys and triumphs as well as the tragedies of my adult life. I am not sure if you have a way to calculate memories into your equation, but I sincerely hope that you take them into account when you start dealing with folks who do dial your number.

John, I know how enthusiastic you are by your use of bold, sixty point type at the top and bottom of your letter, subtly reminding, CALL ME NOW! But I have to say that currently I feel that the value of my home, not my house, is something that I can only put a value on by living here. I appreciate that you chose not to reach me by phone, because this interaction would have been much more abrupt, and might not have given me the time to reflect on all the treasures I have stored away in this old house. 

Thanks for thinking of me, and if you're ever in the neighborhood, stop by and I'll show you around. If you can spare the time.

Yours very truly,

Occupant