Qualifications

 "Are you a professional eater?"

How would you answer that question? I know my answer: It's complicated. I have been compensated for eating. These instances have been primarily in the nickel to ten dollar range. Nothing that would have put my kid through school, or paid for my next meal. The stunt that brought me to the avocation way back in high school, was consuming an entire order of Red Barn chicken wings. Bones and all. I had some prior experience before I set out to make a show of this feat. I had been gnawing away at what I figured was the standard greasy fare from the fast food joint up the street from our high school, when I noticed that I had accidentally chewed straight on through a bone that had become so compromised by its immersion in the aforementioned grease that it was easily chewed and swallowed. It didn't really hurt the taste, and I probably boosted my calcium consumption for the day by doing that. So I made a bet with a friend of mine on our next visit. I bet him that I could eat an entire order of wings, bones and all. If he would pay for it. I did. 

And thus a legend was born. 

Over the years I ate Big Macs in one bite. I consumed an entire tube of decorator frosting at a friend's wedding. And the one that nearly finished me: a jar of jalapeno relish. That one netted me seven dollars. And a most unpleasant afternoon of digestion. There were other instances, but those were some of the highlights. Was I a professional eater? Live to eat, eat to live, I always say. 

Which is why I was amused to read the story of YouTube eating sensation Raina Huang. She visited SteveO's Pizza 'n' Ribs in Aurora, Colorado with the expressed intent of taking their twenty-eight inch pizza challenge. If one person could choke down the whole thing in under an hour, not only would you be well fed, but you would also win one hundred dollars in cash. The offer included having a partner along for the feast, but she was gung ho about taking it on herself. And she wanted to record herself doing it for her YouTube channel. That's what tipped the owner off that there might be a scam going on. Some girl was going to come in and record herself gorging on StevO's pizza, and she was hoping to get paid a hundred bucks to do it? Like the online menu said? She was told by the owner to take her social media and dubious credentials and get out. Not that there were any stated restrictions anywhere that should have precluded the event from taking place. The result? Dozens of other restaurants from all over invited Raina to come and sample their piles of food. StevO's? They just got a bunch of bad Yelp reviews. 

For the record, if anyone asked about Red Barn's chicken, I always said it was great. Even the bones.