That Bites

I thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster for delivering with his noodly appendages such a character as Pat Robertson. Over the years he has redefined ridiculous with his moral outrage. He has found ways to connect God to any number of triumphs and tragedies in ways that can best be described as conspiratorial. Usually there is some punishment involved for some perceived oversight or misdeed on the part of the unbelievers. Hurricanes seem to seek out those who don't see the world the way the Reverend Pat does. Death awaits those who don't fall into line with the Gospel According to Robertson.
It happened again last week in Zanesville, Ohio. Terry Thompson, who had recently been released from jail for a gun conviction, chose to settle the accounts of his disturbed life by setting free the fifty-six wild animals that he kept on his farm, including eighteen Bengal tigers. These were among the dozens of animals that were killed as authorities attempted to deal with the bizarre occurrence. While the debate rages on about how the animals were dealt with, both in Mister Thompson's care and after they were set loose on an unsuspecting populace, God's Little Elf has the answer: “God allowed those wild animals to escape because he wanted them to find gay people and bite them.” Citing the Book of Revelation he made explicit reference to “escaped lions, tigers and bears running around Ohio biting gay people” as a prelude to the Rapture.
Pastor Harold Camping reportedly smacked himself in the forehead sighing, "If only I could have seen the signs."