In the shadow of the former Confederate Capitol, the Virginia General Assembly voted unanimously Saturday to express "profound regret" for the state's role in slavery. This historical mea culpa stands as a lasting reminder to all of those governments and individuals who stopped just short of "my bad." For the record, Missouri legislators are considering such a measure, in order to keep up with the folks below the Mason-Dixon line.
This opens up a great series of opportunities, not the least of which would be to apologize for not having previously apologized for slavery. As gestures go, this is not on a par with generous cash awards, but it should make it easier to paint a Confederate flag on the roof of your Dodge Charger without all those nasty guilt pangs.
Virginia's measure also expressed regret for "the exploitation of Native Americans." Latinos, women, homosexuals, women who want to be men, men who want to be women,the obese, the obese men who want to be women, those suffering from mental illness, amputees, smokers, the Irish, Jews, Arabs, the abused, the disabused, Dennis Kucinich, members of the A/V club, the elderly, anyone named Milton, shuffleboard players, those who are lactose intolerant, circus clowns, circus clowns who are lactose intolerant - this is just a partial list - fans of "Punky Brewster", those receiving assistance, those needing assistance, those giving out needed assistance, George Michael, conservative Republicans, liberal Democrats, anyone who has ever voted for the Green Party, jockeys, flammable parents without partners freshmen, sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads - ALL of these fine folks will just have to wait their turn. I'd give it about (pause to look at watch) four hundred years.
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