Houston, We've Got A Nutjob

U.S. Navy Captain Lisa Nowak, 43, who flew last July on a shuttle mission to the international space station, was charged with attempted vehicle burglary with battery, destruction of evidence and battery. This was in addition to the more impressive charge of kidnapping, as she drove nine hundred miles and donned a disguise to confront a woman she believed was her rival for the affections of a space shuttle pilot.
Are you thinking of "The Right Stuff" right now? I am. Actually, I sort of expect that this is the kind of thing that will most likely end up on the Lifetime Network, starring Lindsay Wagner and Tori Spelling. Police said Nowak drove from her home in Houston to the Orlando International Airport to confront Colleen Shipman. I'm hoping that in the TV movie that they change that to stealing an F-16 from the hangar at the Johnson Space Center. The thought of driving nine hundred miles to do anything makes the question of just how tightly screwed on this lady's space helmet was a relative afterthought. About the second or third time I stop at a Denny's I'm starting to reconsider that whole federal prosecution idea. But that's just me. Nowak raced from Houston to Orlando wearing diapers so she wouldn't have to stop to urinate, authorities said. I guess that would cut down on the number of stops, and boy, doesn't that astronaut training pay off when you're just this side of section eight?
NASA spokesman James Hartsfield in Houston said that, as of Monday, Nowak's status with the astronaut corps remained unchanged. "What will happen beyond that, I will not speculate," he said. Hartsfield said he couldn't recall the last time an astronaut was arrested and said there were no rules against fraternizing among astronauts. It puts me in mind of one of those later episodes of "I Dream of Jeannie," like "How To Marry an Astronaut" - talk about zany hijinks!
You know, come to think of it, as far as that whole fraternizing thing goes, I'll bet we could get this thing on Showtime - "Chicks in Space." I tell you, this stuff just writes itself.