For Crying Out Loud

"If you want to capture someone's attention - just whisper." This was the wisdom espoused by a seventies perfume commercial. My suspicion is that they never set foot in a fourth grade classroom. If they had, they might have reconsidered their entire campaign: "If you want to capture someone's attention - wait for the screaming to stop just long enough to insert your own assertive baritone."
Over a period of years several friends have mentioned to me that I do not, in fact, have "an indoor voice." This would seem to be a vocational asset, considering the fact that I compete on a daily basis with twenty-five vocally advantaged children. I know that yelling at kids is a great way to get kids to yell back at you. I know that whenever I do lower my voice to a low murmur, all the "good kids" lean forward and listen with great intent. This lasts for a moment before the peanut gallery erupts with cries of "What?" and "Huh?" I have learned that it is vital to modulate one's utterances over the course of a school day just to keep the kids in the cheap seats involved.
I know plenty of teachers who never raise their voice. They have that sort of Charles Bronson-type cool that translates easily into fear. I don't have that. I have what my wife refers to as "The Overpowering Voice Of Authority." It comes in handy when you need to get a fifth grader to let go of the arms of a third grader from across a crowded playground. It is also good for ending a flurry of "Shut up, no you shut up, why don't you shut up" when it's time to move on to Math.
And I know what the net result is. The relative volume of my classroom is higher than that of many of my colleagues. After a period of study, it is my contention that fourth graders (I have one of my own to study as well) are the most boisterous. I am reminded of my junior high school band teacher's assertion that he didn't like teaching eighth graders much because they were so busy trying to become something that they hadn't been before - and I believe the same can be said for their elementary counterparts. That roar you hear is the onset of the pre-teen years. Sometimes you have to holler to be heard over it. Or, maybe I need to take a moment and ride it out. Wait for the wave to recede and then move on - with quiet decorum. After all, if the good Lord only gave me so many decibels, I don't want to use them all up before the end of the year.