Wednesday, March 01, 2023

Muzak To My Ears

 A very long time ago, I enjoyed the story which may or may not be true about Ted Nugent wanting to buy Muzak, the company, just so he could blow it up. This story has a time stamp on it not only from the reference to Muzak, which has been bought and sold more times than I can count but barely exists now, but also because it suggests that Ted Nugent might have done something cool.

It was reflecting on this apocryphal tale that got me to thinking that everything, ultimately, is for sale. It's simply a matter of terms and decimal points. Watching Elon Musk stumble drunkenly into his purchase of Twitter lets us know that everything is negotiable, even if it's just that little checkmark next to your name. Walt Disney, another media beast, already owns Twenty-First Century Fox and all its bits and pieces: The Simpsons, National Geographic, and stray bits of Marvel that escaped their original net. What is keeping them from simply reaching out with their corporate tentacles and snapping up Fox News?

Once that little financial arrangement is made, then the folks at the House of Mouse can set about making all the requisite changes that come with the retheming of such an attraction. Sean Hannity can go and pursue his lifelong dream of being a full-time sycophant. Laura Ingraham's show can be retrofitted with a cooking segment and a co-host. Or two. I hear Kelly Ripa is looking for a new partner, for example. And what about Tucker Carlson? Well in my vision of the post-Disney-merger Young Tuck would keep his show, and everything about it would be pretty much the same. Except for the laugh track that would accompany every episode. Laughter that would be very pointedly directed at him, not with him. 

Of course, that might be too easy a solution. Instead we could have Jeff Bezos step in and buy all that "news" in preparation for the new frontier. He could send the whole passel of them off to space where they could report on all the happenings in the vacuum of space. Once we get ourselves squared away down here on Earth, we can look forward to having a crew out there ready to document our eventual colonization of some distant solar system. When we get there. If we get there. 

Or maybe we could all just take up a collection, maybe on GoFundMe, and eventually we could hit a price point where Rupert Murdoch couldn't say no. Business, after all, is business. And maybe we could even throw a little Ted Nugent in while we're at it. 

No comments: