Sunday, March 12, 2023

Cold Call

 I used to back down from confrontations. 

I still do.

Except when my phone rings while I am out trying to put a difficult day behind me.

"Hello. This is James calling from Mutually Assisted End of Life yadda yadda yadda - how are you today?"

"I'm fine, James. How's the weather where you are today?"

"I'm good. Thank you for asking. Before I transfer you to an agent, I just want to ask a couple quick questions: First, are you between the ages of forty and eighty?"

"Yes, I am James. But you aren't a real person are you?"

"Are you currently enrolled in Medicare parts A and B?"

"I honestly don't know James. How can I find that out?"

"Great. I'll just transfer you over to an agent, please stay on the line."

And I do wait, because I do want to have an interaction with someone who can make this seemingly endless string of calls to stop."

"Hello, this is Eric with Mutually Assisted yadda yadda yadda. How can I help you today."

"Well, Eric, first of all I have to say that you are a lot more interactive than that guy James."

"Oh yes. He's an excellent worker."

"But he isn't real."

"Oh he's very real."

"He's very robotic."

"That's what makes him such a good worker!"

"Eric, thank you for answering because I was wondering if you could help me with this one thing."


"I would like to know how your company picked my number but don't have any idea who I am."

"I wouldn't know that. I just take these calls."

"Then maybe you should know that the number from which you were calling identified as a local call from my area code. You're not calling from Oakland, are you?"

"I just take the calls they send me."

"Does it bother you at all to know that the caller ID has your number staked as Scam Likely?"

"Is there something I can help you with?"

"Yes. You can have my name taken off your list."

"I just take the calls that they send me."

"You know those meetings you have after your shift where everyone sits around and complains about their day? You can mention that a guy from Oakland didn't want to get any more calls and how do we take his name off our list?"


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