Lions And Tigers And Bears, Of Course

 I have often made a point of ridiculing the folks up in Oregon for selecting mascots after all the good animals were taken. Ducks? Beavers? Noble beasts to be sure, but not exactly on a par with Buffalo. Or even a Bronco. Steely Dan reminds us that they call Alabama the Crimson Tide, and yet somehow they get to feature an elephant in all their swag. All of this mascot business likely springs from the Native American notion of a totem animal. Pick something strong and clever and it will be your guide to victory. Or effective merchandising.

Which may be how Cleveland landed on "Indians" as the name for their baseball team. Why not go straight to the source? Except they aren't called The Cleveland Native Americans. Or The Indigenous People. They are using the offensive term brought to these shores by the "explorer" who believed that he had found a route to Asia, but landed on a continent half a world away. He figured that if he called the inhabitants "Indians," it would make his case. Who would check on that?

That was more than five hundred years ago, and we have mostly let go of the term. With some obvious exceptions. This past week, the Major League Baseball franchise based in Cleveland announced that they would be phasing out the use of that as their team name, having banished the horribly offensive Chief Wahoo to the racist scrap heap way back in 2018. Fans will possibly be stuck rooting for The Cleveland Baseball Team much in the same way that people in Washington D.C. were saddled with a non-descript solution to their football franchise. 

Cue the cries of Cancel Culture, and "But what about tradition?" They have been the Cleveland Indians since 1915. Which seems to suggest that it has taken more than a hundred years to get through to the denizens of northern Ohio about their lack of cultural sensitivity. Enterprising types in that region have already begun selling Cleveland Caucasian paraphernalia. This has its own charm, however, it seems like the point is still being missed. Ohio has its challenges, it seems, with naming teams. Browns. Reds. There's a college out there whose mascot is an inedible nut. Cincinnati's football team scored big with Bengals, and a really cool design for their helmet. Tigers are not, however, a native species to the midwestern United States. Ohio Opossums? The Vesper Bats? Cleveland Smoky Shrews? 

Major League Baseball has not set a definitive timeline as yet for the change. The Cleveland front office has suggested that they hope to make their move soon. So, less than another hundred and five years. Meanwhile, it's worth pointing out just how little imagination it takes to come up with a new name. Here is where I cite the Houston Texans as an example. Pretty hard to argue with that one. Not very creative, but I'm guessing they aren't offending anyone.

And by the way, when was the last time you saw a Lake in Los Angeles?