The Dating Game

 How about a little science? 

Not climate change this time. Not nuclear weapons. How about longevity? 

Female mammals live longer than males mammals. But this isn't the news. People who do science for a living believe that they have started to figure out why. Researchers who analyzed data from zoo animals found that it is not only genetics, but mating pressures that may determine which sex has the longer lifespan.

Okay.

As a guy who eventually proposed marriage three separate times, two of them to the same woman, I believe this might have some credence. The happy news for yours truly is that I am still very good friends with that first woman, and the second version of my invitation to spend our lives together seems to have worked with my wife of more than thirty years. That union resulted in the birth of a son, who will face his own gauntlet of challenges as he attempts to select his mate. 

Luckily, there is an app for that. Pity the poor Pudu who cannot swipe right. Not unlike their human counterparts, this tiny deer's mating process involves a male following a female, testing her receptiveness by sniffing and grooming her before mounting repeatedly over a few days. It's that testing of receptiveness that really makes things tough for your average Pudu buck. 

But before you take me for your standard male who is bitter and bewildered by all the sniffing and licking, please understand that I believe that male mammals deserve every one of the rejections we get. If the ultimate goal is to settle down and have little deer or whales or what have you, then it is up to the female to act as a filter through which the species can survive. Antler size, lack of mange, credit rating, all of these factors need to be considered before allowing the miracle of birth to take place. 

Then there's the simple matter of the fits that male mammals throw when they don't manage to make a love connection: Nuclear weapons. Climate change. Dating apps. I appreciate science for shedding a light on this topic, but I think the answers to this and so many of our planet's problems can be traced back to over-anxious males.