Protection

 I was standing in line with my wife as we prepared to consent to vaccinations to protect us from COVID and flu. "Consent" was the word that the health care folks used to frame this interaction that has become standard practice for an elementary school teacher who is getting along in years. This was to safeguard us from the potential of being struck blind or our twenty-eight year old son from being suddenly afflicted by autism. So much could happen, but we put our trust in medical science because that seemed like the California thing to do. 

Little did we know that at that same time, across the country, the Worst was making this proclamation: "At the request of Secretary of Homeland Security, Kristi Noem, I am directing Secretary of War, Pete Hegseth, to provide all necessary Troops to protect War ravaged Portland, and any of our ICE Facilities under siege from attack by Antifa, and other domestic terrorists. I am also authorizing Full Force, if necessary." 

Our newly inoculated minds were slow to comprehend all of this word salad with all its Vanity Capitalization. Hadn't we just been exercising our Golden State rights moments before? While just to the north of us The Rose City was under siege. Having only recently spoken to friends from Portland, I worried that the brain fog about which we had been warned by the Kennedy who excels at the transportation of animal carcasses. Why trust someone with a medical degree when you can believe a heroin addict with his very own brain worm? 

But what about Portland? Was it truly "War ravaged?" And just what is "Full Force" anyway? I felt the dull ache in my left shoulder as I considered the lives of quiet desperation living in the desolation that is Oregon's largest city. Long lines for Ciabatta and talk of rationing of Stumptown medium roast made me worry about the possibility of the Wehrmacht wending their way down the coast to our little oasis by the Bay. 

As pictures of calm started to find their way through the protected airwaves, it seemed as though the Worst had changed his mind. The next day he burbled, "I spoke to the governor, she was very nice. But I said, 'Well wait a minute, am I watching things on television that are different from what's happening? My people tell me different.' They are literally attacking and there are fires all over the place...it looks like terrible." Not unlike the way he chickened out of sending the National Guard to Chicago, settling instead for "War ravaged" Memphis, Tennessee. 

That's when I noticed the FBI report that put Memphis at the top of the list for violent crime. Second place went to Oakland. Uh-oh. I guess I'm relieved to know that my wife and I probably won't die from the flu or COVID. Still awaiting word on where the "Full Force" will actually land.