Light And Run Away

 Sergeant Hulka got blown up by friendly fire. I was forced into remembering this bit of trauma by the events of this past weekend. Perhaps this is because so much of my life experience is filtered through the films of Bill Murray, it was that scene in Stripes when the officer in charge of Hulka's squad, a Captain Stillman gives orders to a group of soldiers attempting to reassemble a mortar to fire without checking their coordinates or aim. Following orders, the men lob a shell up into the air that happens to land right on top of Sergeant Hulka. 

Boom. 

Spoiler alert: This does not kill Sergeant Hulka. By the grace of the 1980's comedy movie gods, no one with a name gets killed in this film. A bunch of extras portraying Czechoslovakian border guards seem to go to their ultimate reward as Bill rescues his pals in an urban assault vehicle that bears more than a passing resemblance  to Clark Grisowold's Fun Family Truckster. 

All of these eighties memories swirled about as I read the account of how (checks notes) Corporal Jose Delgado Vance was lobbing live rounds above the California Interstate known colloquially as "The Five."

What better way to celebrate the two hundred fiftieth birthday of the United States Marines than to pretend to make an amphibious assault on the beaches of southern California? What could go wrong? How about we use real artillery shells and fire them off over the main north-south conduit for the entire state? 

Whoops! One of them went off prematurely, and shrapnel rained down on California Highway Patrol motorcycles and cars assigned to protect (checks notes) Corporal Vance. An officer described hearing something that sounded like pebbles hit his motorcycle and the area around him, according to the patrol report. Others saw a two inch piece of shrapnel hit the hood of a patrol vehicle and leave a small dent. The report says shrapnel was also found on the road near the motorcycle.

Corporal Vance escaped unscathed. 

Meanwhile on this same day, Corporal Vance's boss took to the virtual skies in a video that depicts the convicted felon piloting a jet fighter, wearing a crown, and dropping "what appeared to be feces" on Americans protesting No Kings below. 

Get it? 

No? 

Probably because it's The Worst.