When I opened my browser to Yahoo the other day, what should appear across the top line but an ad, sporting the face of confessed puppy killer Kristi Noem, urging me to Defend The Homeland.
Why do I suddenly feel the urge to burst into a chorus of "MAGA Uber Alles?"
Actually, I don't. Nor do I hear the siren's call to the rocks. I will not be joining the jackboot thugs who are solidly behind the mass deportation of immigrants. I will not cover my face in a mask and shove innocents into unmarked vans to whisk them off to god knows where. I will not become a pawn in the game of Whose Life Is This Anyway?
The DHS web site would like you to hear the stirring speech from the puppy killer: “Your country is calling you to serve at ICE. In the wake of the Biden administration’s failed immigration policies, your country needs dedicated men and women of ICE to get the worst of the worst criminals out of our country.This is a defining moment in our nation’s history. Your skills, your experience, and your courage have never been more essential. Together, we must defend the homeland."
And just what do we have for our contestants, Kristi?
- A maximum $50,000 signing bonus
- Student loan repayment and forgiveness options
- 25% Law Enforcement Availability Pay (LEAP) for HSI Special Agents
- Administratively Uncontrollable Overtime (AUI) for Enforcement Removal Operations (ERO) Deportation Officers
- Enhanced retirement benefits
That's right, and if you join up now, you can be assured of an audience with Satan himself once you've signed away your mortal soul. Some, like Dean "I Used To Be Super" Cain have already subjected themselves to the rigors of this intensive training, assuring an appearance soon enough at the Gates of Hell.
Homeland, Fatherland. Haven't we already fought this war?
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