Son Rise

 Arnold is an angry young man. He came to us that way. He has a lot of company in that category, as we seem to attract them here at Horace Mann. Which is, from our perspective, not necessarily a bad thing. We have a history of being able to turn some of that negative energy around before we send them off to middle school. This is certainly our hope with Arnold, since we have watched his steady evolution from his first eruptions in Kindergarten and first grade. 

Over the past few years, we have been giving him tools and confidence to help him avoid situations and circumstances that might eventually bring him to the principal's office. Redirection, we call it. Redirecting him from the potential consequence of being sent home.

Arnold is officially Arnold Junior. Arnold Senior, dad, has been hanging around the edges of parental involvement since his son first showed up. He has inquired about becoming a volunteer for three of the past five years. What keeps him from following through in spite of our repeated attempts to get him more involved, as is his expressed wish, is the commitment he is putting into the process himself. 

Instead, we see him each time Junior's progress stalls and we need him to show up to help deescalate a situation. Violence or threats of violence are where the buck tends to stop. When dad shows up after being summoned, we tend to go through the same set of questions: What happened? Who did this to him? Did you punish the other kid or kids? 

Then we go through the standard answers while Arnold Junior watches his father attempt to negotiate the reality with us. Often both of the Arnolds will complain and wonder why it is that the younger one "can't defend himself." Which is most certainly not the reason for the discussion. 

It was during one of the most recent iterations of this dance that I found myself watching Junior as Senior fussed about the involvement of other kids. He was watching his father do the same dance that he had done for the past five years. It was apparent to me that Junior had moved on from this base level of defense, but was happy to have his father come up and argue on his behalf. 

Arnold is smarter than his father. 

This realization was both sad and encouraging. When the smoke cleared and assurances were made that the focus of all this interaction was to keep all the kids, including Arnold Junior, safe, we went ahead to make some next steps. These were generated primarily with Arnold Junior, as Senior tried to make sense of it. There would be no beatings. Or suspensions. We were going to use this as a point of departure. Moving on from a rough patch, of which there have been much fewer each year. 

Each Friday when we send students home for the weekend, we hope that the two steps forward we have taken with them don't become three steps back. Even a three day weekend can upset that balance for some kids. The inevitable creep toward becoming a responsible adult. 

And maybe, just maybe, before Arnold leaves us, dad will come along for that ride.