Friday, September 25, 2015

Walker: Wisconsin Ranger

Okay, Scott Walker. Back in the pool with you. Swim back to Wisconsin where you can continue your uber-badger ways. After polling in the single digits for several months, it was time for Governor Walker to bow to the powers larger than himself: The whims of the Republican Party. After a promising July, the union basher will head home for the chance to lead from the comfort and safety of the sidelines. "Today, I believe that I am being called to lead by helping to clear the field in this race so that a positive, conservative message can rise to the top of the field. With this in mind, I will suspend my campaign immediately," asserted the former candidate from a podium in Madison. "I encourage other Republican presidential candidates to consider doing the same so that the voters can focus on a limited number of candidates who can offer a positive, conservative alternative to the current front-runner." That would be you, your Trumpishness. 
So now we have what seems to be a trend: Taking one for the team. For those of you not familiar with this concept, it is a sports metaphor that has its origins in being hit by a pitch. If you lean into a fastball while in the batter's box, you get hit, and you get a free base. Way back in 1896, Hughie Jennings set the all time record in this statistical category. It should be noted, stretching the metaphor to the point of absurdity, that Hughie spent many years in the majors, playing on National League championship teams three years in a row, but never won a World Series. That was because there was no World Series at the time, but this might be a good time to continue down this wormhole with the additional bit of information that Hughie had to retire from organized baseball because of a nervous breakdown. All those colorful antics from the dugout, the hoots an hollers, may have been part of an undiagnosed issue that just may have been brought on from standing in front of too many fastballs. And wouldn't it be great if I could tell you that this colorful character hailed from America's Dairyland? Scott Walker is not Hughie Jennings. Sorry.
Scott Walker is also not Ben Carson. Ben is in the double digits, still yard behind the Trumpfaloon, but within striking distance of Carly Fiorina. His numbers are probably slightly lower in the Muslim community, since Mister Carson has repeated his claim that no one of that faith should ever be President of the United States. It is his conviction that Sharia law conflicts with the U.S. Constitution, and it makes for a nice bumper sticker: "sworn in on a stack of Bibles, not a Koran." Not that an actual stack of Bibles has ever been used, but it is certainly in line with the hyperbole of his Royal Trumpington. If only Scott Walker could have come up with something equally as inflammatory, then his campaign might still be alive and kicking. 
Alas, for us all, the clown car continues to lose its colorful passengers. Bye, bye, governor Walker. Write when you find work

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