Thursday, September 24, 2015


Getting in touch and staying in touch is supposed to be getting easier and easier. Access to a host of telecommunications technology for men, women and children across this land and in neighboring hamlets and villages stretching out around the world makes it simple to call just to say, "I love you." Which makes it ever more important that we have the best possible experience as we make these connections. Signal quality and the capacity to send pictures of ourselves enjoying said signal quality is key to this satisfaction. And would it be too much to ask that we don't have to pay an arm and a leg for that experience. Not an actual arm or a leg, though I am assured that there are certain regions in which this transaction might still take place via amputation.
My son moving away to college finally forced our family's collective hand and we surrendered to the now inevitable "Family Plan." Voice, data, texting all for the low, low price of just - well - it doesn't really matter what the price was because it was one that we were willing to pay in order to ensure contact with one another in the event of some cataclysmic event or a new cat video. Gone are the days when I could safely move through a day without having the additional distraction of what was happening to those closest to me, at least in proximity to my contact list. Sure, I could put the thing on silent or turn it off completely, but that means all the value I was hoping to gain by making this pact with my Family to remain close even through cellular transmission would be negated.
I am getting what I paid for, and isn't that really what makes this country great? I can now find my way to the store that will sell me an even better deal using the GPS function on the phone that needs to be replaced because it won't work with the plan that will keep my family together at the lowest possible price.
I bought it. And then I waited. I waited to have my old phone turned into my new phone and waited again to have the old phone carrier hem and haw as they were told the news that I was moving on to a new company that really cared about my family and our ability to stay together in the face of cataclysmic cat videos. Or at least I will be safe, eventually, in the knowledge that when the robot cat overlords descend from the heavens, I will be able to send my son a selfie with a great big cyber-kitty and the dis-integrator ray gun that will make my Family Plan null and void.

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