Friday, October 10, 2014


Ask me about my zombie plan. Those are the words my son has put in front of me on any number of occasions over the past few years. He first began compiling his survival plan just after he got into high school, and he hasn't looked back. Except to glance over his shoulder in a nervous way to check for the shuffling hordes of flesh-eating cannibalistic post-humanoids who even at this moment may be creeping up behind him. He has extended his post-Apocalypse musings to cover most any environment he might possibly find himself in when the brain-gobblers show up: movie theaters, grocery stores, walking down the street, and especially in his very own back yard.
He doesn't stop revising, either. It's always good to have an alternative to the alternative to the original plan, just in case a propane tank erupts in a giant fireball, blocking your exit from Best Buy. Not many Best Buy stores are still powered by propane, but you can't be too careful. That's why the Center for Disease Control has created their own Zombie Pandemic plan, and they want to share it with you. As it turns out, this is their fun way of introducing people like my son to the world of disaster preparedness.
It might also be part of some vast government conspiracy. Sure, many of the tips and skills that might help you live through an attack of walking dead might also save you from such mundane experiences as an earthquake or power outage. Or the upcoming cold and flu season. It might also be in place as a code for those in the know: Ebola is coming to your neighborhood. If you have been paying attention straight along and stockpiling food, water and arrows for your crossbow, you will be set up when it comes time to don your respirator and go underground.
Of course, we have been getting ready for the end of times for quite a while now. We benefited mightily from the Y2K stash that a friend of ours had set aside. We are only now starting to run out of duct tape and plastic sheeting. And since we live in Northern California, we always have a great stock of canned goods for the eventual cracking and crumbling of the earth. Or when the riots occur right after one of our area sports teams wins or loses some big game. We are prepared. Ebola? Well, that's just another way to keep us on our collective toes while the federal government tries to figure out a way to thin the herd.
That's okay. We'll be ready.

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