Wednesday, October 29, 2014

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Did you know there was an election coming up? Sure you did. Especially if you've been hanging around your computer reading this blog, and if that's what you've been doing, thank you and now go out to the living room and say hello to your family. They miss you. Next, you should probably get that voter's guide that you set aside a month ago out from under the stack of Sunday newspapers and Taco Bell wrappers and take a look.
Or don't. It's just your chance to change the world in which you live by participating in democracy. You remember democracy, don't you? That thing we've been trying to promote across the globe in the same way Taco Bell has been trying to encourage us to think of them as a place for breakfast? Why not start planning now to get out and stretch those patriotic muscles that have atrophied since the last big election, when George McGovern lost in a squeaker.
I kid, because I'm a kidder. But this isn't anything to kid about. Well, maybe a little. For example, if you're a voter in Colorado, you probably want to make sure you have plenty of toner in your printer so that you can crank out as many ballots as you can for your favorite candidates and ballot measures. At least that 's what Megan Kelly of Faux News would expect you to do. Especially if you're one of those Democratic types. Ms. Kelly announced that Governor Hickenlooper, whose name I am not making up, signed a bill sixteen months ago that allowed citizens to print out their own ballots and hand them over to "collectors." Ms. Kelly asked wryly, "What could go wrong?"
Well, essentially the same thing that happens whenever somebody announces a factual error like "Dewey Defeats Truman." As it turns out, you can't really just print up ballots and wait for somebody to drop by and pick them up in Colorado. The bill that became law allowed the law, known as the Uniformed and Overseas Citizens Absentee Voting Act, specifically applies to military and overseas voters, who can receive ballots via email and return it with a signed affidavit by regular mail services.So maybe you should start by printing up some of those fake affidavits. 
Or don't, because in the end, voting should be every bit as easy and delicious as ordering a tasty breakfast from your nearest Taco Bell. And let freedom ring. 

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