Lost In Space

Who wouldn't be afraid? There is a zombie satellite flying around over our heads, and though it may not choose to eat our brains, it could do something much, much worse. Galaxy 15, originally shot into space by PanAmSat is wandering around out there messing with television transmissions. You read that right. Tonight you could be sitting on your couch watching reruns of "The Cosby Show" on Nick At Nite when suddenly the screen will flicker and you could be staring at Pat Robertson. Or something worse.
Galaxy 15 never meant to harm anyone. It was the victim of a solar flare that twisted its programming. Far from simply going dark and becoming another piece of space junk, it has become unresponsive and is still galloping about the heavens on full power, stealing signals from other satellites that are out there just trying to do their jobs. The fact that Galaxy 15's original purpose was to beam the Syfy channel to households across the globe may make it harder to feel any sympathy for this wayward hunk of hardware, but such is the nature of the cosmos, as Carl Sagan and David Bowie would remind us.
And so what are the possible solutions? Sending Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck up in a shuttle seems like a clever enough idea, but shuttle program is shutting down and Bruce and Ben aren't as nimble in their space suits as they used to be. I suggest sending one man instead. There is only one man who could handle this mission. The man who outwits supercomputers and rogue satellites as a matter of course: Captain James T. Kirk. If that doesn't knock some sense into Galaxy 15, nothing will.