Friday, May 07, 2010

Battle Of The Sexes

Yesterday morning was a tense one. Sometimes my wife or I will wake up on the wrong side of the bed, or one of us will have held something over from the night before and things will take their meandering course from there. This particular bit of misaligned communication was based on a simple misunderstanding: I believe that girls are made of great green globs of greasy, grimy gopher guts, mashed-up monkey meat, and dried up eyeballs. She insisted that boys were made of Great green globs of greasy, grimy gopher meat, mutilated monkey feet, and little dirty parakeet beaks.
On the surface, it would seem we have so much in common. The green globs and so on, but even though some of the details seem to mesh, we appear to be miles apart about which gender is, in fact, composed of the stated ingredients. A lot of people will tell you that girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Boys are rumored to contain some, if not all of the following: slugs, snails, puppy dog tails. Don't you believe them. Human beings, male or female, are much more complex in their innards. The argument really isn't so much about what's inside, but rather how they are prepared. Are they mashed? Fried? Marinated? Mutilated?
Understanding will come only in time. In the interim, we can only hope to keep lines of communication open, and to remember that we all have our limitations. For example, I believe that everything I learned in first grade is true. Just don't ask me to hang upside down on the monkey bars. I'm liable to turn inside-out, and then who would pick up all those animal parts?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Parakeet beaks are NOT dirty!! Budgies keep little napkins neatly tucked beneath their wings, and they use them tactfully to keep their beaks presentable at all times.