Do Not Collect $200

 I awoke with the image of a Community Chest card in my mind. It states "Band Error In Your Favor - Collect $200." I wondered if there will be a new version of Monopoly in honor of the worst real estate tycoon of all time: Donald J. Trump. 

We could start with those cards. "Judge fines you $354,000,000." Or "Pay the woman you defamed $84,000,000." How about "You are not allowed to do business in New York for three years." I'm guessing that bank error card would come in handy about now. 

In my neighborhood, we learned not to play Monopoly with the kid down the street. He insisted on being banker, and had his own set of rules that seemed to apply to most any circumstance that would have him paying any money out. The slow-witted among us did not notice that he simply placed hotels on his property. He didn't start with the requisite four houses. In most cases he didn't bother to pay for the hotels either. They just showed up and we poor saps paid him rent. He was always willing to swing a deal like trading you Baltic Avenue for Park Place. "So you can have a Monopoly," he would grin. I knew he was stuffing money under the board for "emergencies." He is the one who clued me in on the sale of the Get Out Of Jail Free card. He would charge whatever the market would bear. 

And now, the streets and avenues of Trumpoly are shrinking. The squares he has left to land on safely are whittling down to a precious few. The Tower with his name pasted on it will soon be a Starbucks. He has a billion dollar golf club in Florida to which he can retreat, if you believe his estimates. His sons who looked forward to a life of relative leisure and guest appearances on Fox News are confused by all this new math. They will soon be making an offer on Baltic Avenue themselves. 

Of course, the half billion dollars in fines will be appealed. And stupid people will send this wretch their hard-earned money to bring him back to solvency. And you can be sure that he has come cash stuffed under the board for just such an emergency. But the squares that say "Go To Jail" are starting to appear everywhere. 

It took me a while, but I eventually learned not to play Monopoly with the kid down the street. Let's hope that everyone gets the message that there is no art in this man's deal. Just a clown painting.