Saturday, March 19, 2022

Okay, Herschel. I've Thought About It.

“At one time, science said man came from apes, did it not? If that is true, why are there still apes? Think about it.” 

Those were the words of one Hershel Walker, former football great, current Senate candidate. I will give you just a moment here to imagine what party he hopes to represent. Think about it.

Time's up. If you chose to imagine that Mister Walker is a Republican, then you are a student of current political trends or a really good guesser. Either of which leaves you a few moments to consider Herschel's original quandary. 

For me, it goes back to a time in the late 1960s. I began to make a study of this "evolution," and how it might possibly be a flawed notion, or perhaps less understood by many. At first, there were those who considered this new learning to be too much for my six year old mind. My parents had witnessed it first hand, in a drive in located in Texas. The truth was revealed to them, and they worried that their young son might become swept up in this train of thought, this "Planet of the Apes.

I only took me a short time to discover the truth for myself. Man had indeed evolved from apes, but after a plague had wiped out all the dogs and cats on Earth, people began to bring apes of various sizes into their homes. At first they were pets, but their natural intelligence and ability to perform simple tasks made them able and ready servants. It wasn't long until those same apes became a second class, a slave race kept down by their human masters. Until one day, when a savior came down among the oppressed simians and led them to their freedom. Some say Caesar came from the future. Others insist he was the result of genetic experiments. No matter the cause, this ape king brought his people up from bondage to freedom, far away from the cities where they were once enslaved. Then, somewhere along the line, all those apes became as smart as Caesar, and all the while, humans began to regress until they were the dumb animals. Kept in zoos. Hunted for sport. 

I know, it sounds like science fiction, but think about it. 

I did. I purchased my own gorilla mask and began practicing the mannerisms and movements of my simian ancestors. I met my wife-to-be while sitting on top of a Pepsi machine, pretending to be a gorilla. The story goes that this is what first attracted her to me. Eventually, we settled down and raised a family of our own, passing along these stories and traits that dropped us here, on the cusp of this so-called "evil-lution." Every so often, I look over and see my son forgetting how to use simple tools, or hear him respond to me with grunting sounds. It makes me afraid, but it also gives me an odd sense of pride. I know that he will be ready when that future arrives. 

Think about it. 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You may recall Jimmy Swaggart saying exactly this in the early 1980s. Turns out to be not as amusing as it seemed to me at the time.