Knowledge Base

 I should be ashamed of myself.

But I'm not. 

A few nights back, I was having a Zoom chat with friends from high school. One of whom I had asked to marry me, once upon a time. Another who accepted that offer, eventually, and that pretty much wraps up the story of my "serious relationships." 

I am fifty-eight years old. How is it that I have ever gotten away with giving any advice whatsoever to the lovelorn? As if I had any vast or varied experience that might be useful in any and all affairs of the heart? Outside of those two relationships, I could probably count the dates I have been on using the fingers I have. Without the thumbs. 

You might assume that this awareness would keep me from assailing those around me with tips for the broken-hearted. You would assume incorrectly. Long before I ever went out with any girl anywhere, I was quick to offer up what amounted to my expertise. By the time I was thirteen, I had hears my share of pop music, read a fair number of books, and seen movies from several different decades. I was well acquainted with the artifice of romance. 

And you might think that this obvious lack of experience would keep people from paying any attention to what I had to say on the subject. You would be wrong there too. I had a great many friends, boys and girls, seeking my counsel when it came to seeking the wisdom I had to impart. Which was generally made up on the fly, but delivered with care and conviction to make it sound as if I knew what I was talking about it. 

Believe it or not, all of that earnest blather about not much at all seemed to carry the day. Friends would often return with heaps of appreciation for the help I had given them sorting out their tangled web of love. And eventually, after I got married to the woman who said "yes," I felt that I was once again charged with disseminating the correct way to carry out a romance. It did not occur to me just how lucky I was to find a person who saw what I had to offer as clever and worthwhile. Happily, no one has sought me out after the fact to sue me for malpractice. I certainly didn't mean any harm. 

So, if you're reading this and you feel that I may have, in some way or other contributed to your unhappiness or your bliss, I'm sorry or you're welcome. I had no idea what I was doing. 

Still don't. But it seems to be working out okay.