Time Served

 A very long time ago, there was a comedian named Steve Martin, and he suggested that a great way to reduce the crime rate would be to apply the death penalty to traffic violations. Noting here that I prefaced the previous statement by saying that this was a comedian, one who has been noted for trafficking in the absurd, who made this assertion. It was, for anyone who remains dubious, a joke. 

That was way back in the early eighties. Our country's collective sense of humor seems to have evolved since then. To wit: we elected a game show host to be President of the United States. Tee hee. Get it? It's a joke.

I don't get it.

Nor do I understand how the Louisiana Supreme Court just upheld a life sentence for a man who was caught with his neighbor's hedge clippers. So here's where it gets a little tricky, time-wise. Fair Wayne Bryant was convicted of one count of simple attempted burglary in 1997. Which wasn't necessarily the reason for the life sentence. It was the previous three convictions before the hedge clipper incident. Twenty-three years ago, Mister Bryant was sentenced as an habitual offender, and therefore given life. In prison. For stealing hedge clippers. 

And, if you're like me and you wanted some sort of reason for the yard tool affair to put him over the top, the three prior convictions were  in 1979 for attempted armed robbery, in 1987 for possession of stolen things, attempted forgery of a check worth one hundred fifty dollars in 1989 and for simple burglary of an inhabited dwelling in 1992. It should be noted that he did not get away with stealing the hedge clippers. But a felony is a felony, and off he went to jail. Forever. 

And if I mention here that Mister Bryant is black, this should perhaps come as no shock to those of you still reading. I will not address issues of character here, as I have not met the man, but it does sound like he does have a hard time staying out of trouble. Life sentence trouble? 

If Fair Wayne Bryant lives another twenty years in prison, estimates of taxpayer expense to keep him there for forty-some years will be about a million dollars. Those must have been some really awesome hedge clippers. Or maybe there is a problem with our sentencing system.