Security Blanket

If you were concerned that the President-elect might not elect to live in the White House after his inauguration, fret no more. He told Faux News that he would be moving into 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, but his wife and young son Barron will be finishing out the school year in the Big Apple before packing up and heading down the coast to the presidential residence. Or, as the Trumps refer to it, "slumming." What this means is that for those first six months or so the White House will be a bachelor pad. Security will be tight as the new President may feel the need to frisk all the young women himself. You can't be too careful. Which is also why the Treasury Department will keep a Secret Service detail on hand in New York City, blocking off sections of Fifth Avenue around Trump Tower until Melania and her young son are ready to make the big move. 
Just a little complication of a complication. Nothing to worry about. Just like those daily security briefings that the leader of the free world gets. Mister Trump insists that he is a "smart person," and he doesn't need to be told the same thing in the same words every day. "I get it when I need it," he said. "These are very good people that are giving me the briefings," but added, "You know, I'm, like, a smart person. I don't have to be told the same thing in the same words every single day for the next eight years ... I don't need that. But I do say, 'If something should change, let us know.'"
Something is about to change.
A man who remains unconvinced that global warming is real is moving into the White House. 
A man who says the United States is not bound to a "One China Policy" is moving into the White House.
A man who claims election fraud in an election he won is moving into the White House. 
A man who remains unconvinced that global warming is real is moving into the White House. 

Donald Trump is moving into the White House. 

Can I get one of those security briefings?