Message Received And Ignored

  I received an email from an outfit called RedMatcher. My initial thought upon opening the message was that the operative term in this exchange was "Red," since I was exhorted by the subject line "Your american (sic) right to concealed carry is now available online with our help." And red, as we all know, is the color that has been appropriated by the right for their nefarious purposes. Which is kind of a drag since Spider Man is red. And so are a lot of apples. And some grapes. Red has been largely appropriated by people who would like to see all "americans" carrying concealed. As is our right. 

Well, as it turns out, RedMatcher is more of a clearing house for online "deals" than an oracle of conservative thought. They provide the tube through which email can be dumped into unsuspecting accounts, with the hope that if you throw enough copies of the works of Shakespeare written by monkeys at the wall, some of them will stick. 

The real culprit, as it turns out, is TheQuickPermit.com. This was a promotional email sent on behalf of this web site that cheerfully offers you to help you get certified so that you can get a permit to carry a concealed weapon. Just watch a video and answer a few short questions and you're on your way! Why would I want to do this? At the bottom of their web page, the Quick Permit folks give us three reasons: Reason 1, It's Your 2nd Amendment Right. Many of us forget about our rights until they are in jeopardy. Exercising your rights as an American citizen is a privilege, we all should not take for granted. Reason 2, Preparation for Protection. Timing is everything when it comes to unforeseen danger. Delaying preparation against threats leaves you exposed and open to attack. Preparation is always the best protection. And Reason 3, The Window is Open. There has never been an easier way to secure your concealed carry certification online. You may lose the right to secure your certification online at any time. Lock in your certification while it is still legal. 

I read my reasons with interest, and came away feeling no real urgency. Being left open to attack or missing out on my chance to have a permit while it's still legal didn't feel like compelling rationales for getting a permit to sneak up on somebody with a gun. That's the idea, right? Concealing the gun is the trick. "Hey mister bad guy, please don't attack me because I don't have a gun and could kill you for trying to do just that...Haha! I had a gun all the time, and now I'm going to shoot you and boy aren't you surprised and sad as you lay there dying! Haha!"

As big a fan as I am of practical jokes, I'm going to give this one a hard pass. Sorry, RedMatcher. Maybe you can hit me up again when you're having a sale on fake dog poop.