First Draft

 July 4, 2011 I was standing in front of the Declaration of Independence. Not a facsimile. The real deal. I noticed some scribbles in and around the margins. Apparently Thomas Jefferson had his "helpers" like we all do:  

When, in the course of human events,(Tommy, do you think it's necessary to mention "human" here? Feels a little much right at the beginning) it becomes necessary for one people (Whoa - aren't we all people? Come on, are you trying to start something?) to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume, among the powers of the earth (What? No mention of heaven here?), the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them (Don't go mixing up nature with God), a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation (Impel. Doesn't that seem a little severe? What if we want back in?).

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal (All men? Come on. You don't mean that, do you?), that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights (But not like voting or anything like that, right?), that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness (We still get to keep our slaves, right?). That, to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men (White landowning men), deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed (Or we'll be the consent out of them if necessary). That, whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it (Without permission? Come on Tom. People will start thinking they can change things after we've already decided), and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles, and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness (Mostly we just want to keep our slaves. And guns. Make sure you put something in there about slaves and guns).

Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes (like say if somebody got it into their head that slavery was a bad thing, for example?); and, accordingly, all experience has shown, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. (Nice first pass, Tommy Boy. Don't you think it's a little wordy? Couldn't we just go with "Make America Great Again?)