Friday, April 12, 2019

Why Did It Have To Be Snakes?

Coincidence depends a lot on which corner of the galaxy you happen to be watching.
Scientists found a seventeen foot python slithering around the Florida Everglades last weekend. Let's put it this way: if an NFL running back averaged five yards per carry over the course of a career, he would be preparing his speech for Canton. This snake was somewhere in the Jamaal Charles territory. If that sports analogy is a tad obscure for you, try this one: You can get a pretty nice sailboat that runs about seventeen feet long. Or if you prefer, we can leave the sporting world behind and tell you that U-Haul will rent you a very nice seventeen foot truck with enough room to move a two bedroom house. While it is unlikely that a python would be able to ingest the contents of your home, this one weighed in at one hundred forty pounds and at the time of its capture was carrying inside its legless torso seventy-three developing eggs. One giant python hanging out in Big Cypress National Reserve would be a concern. Seventy-four of them would be, well, seventy-four times worse. Or better, if you happen to be a fan of such things. Or if you aren't a fan for raccoons and possums.
It should be noted that these pythons are not native to the swamps of Florida, but those scientist types mentioned earlier estimate there are over one hundred thousand of them crawling around down there. Across the continent in Los Angeles, Pythons are a little easier to find and isolate. The Monty types anyway. One of them was recently discovered in the Hollywood Hills, or at least his habitat was. Police and fire officials mounted a hazmat response to that location, and two women were taken to a nearby hospital as precaution. Not because they had been constricted or bitten, but because they were afraid. Not of snakes as much as poison. A white powdery substance was received at Eric Idle's residence and was initially feared to be anthrax. Tests proved negative, but the Python in question was not immediately available for comment. 
You decide. 

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