Tuesday, September 04, 2018

A Different Approach

1600 Pennsylvania
Washington, D.C. 20500

Dear Occupant:
I hope this letter finds you well. I understand that you have been under a great deal of stress lately, and I can only hope that you are able to find relief in a hobby or recreation that allows you to reduce the tensions of everyday life. For many people, it is work-related challenges that tend to keep them up at night, or waking up far too early in the morning. This can affect sleep patterns in the long term and bring about not only fatigue but potential health problems ranging from muscle aches to high blood pressure and eventually delusional behavior.
I fear this warning may come to you too late.
I confess that for some time I have approached this problem from an angle that may not have been as effective as I had hoped: Ridicule. I don't expect that you have been keeping up with my blog, especially since you got that big promotion, but I will be straight with you, because it's only right. I have not had any nice things to write or say about you here. Mostly I have been poking fun and pronouncing judgement on your awkward attempts at statesmanship. Laughter, it seems, is not the best medicine in this case, since things don't seem to be getting appreciably better even as I periodically find myself in hysterics watching you try and make America great again.
I am writing to you today to say that you can relax. America is already pretty great. We are a global leader in so many things, and up until recently we have maintained a certain humility about that. All of this fear and anger hasn't really changed much, except the number of people laughing behind your back.
I am sorry if this comes to you as some sort of revelation, but I thought you should know. It's not just the media that you refuse to acknowledge as pointing at the Emperor's New Clothes. The rest of the planet is confounded by what you do and say as well. I suspect that there is a way for you to compartmentalize all this criticism in a way that could allow you to continue acting on instincts that so far have proved to be less than fruitful for the majority of the citizens in these United States, but before you pop a blood vessel and collapse in a heap, fretting about how the rest of the world doesn't see things your way, try taking a couple deep breaths. Before you sit down and tweet something careless, or make a pronouncement from your office that requires other branches of the government's approval, take a couple of deep breaths. Take up yoga. Try eating something green.
You might save your presidency. You might save the country. You might save the world. You might even save your marriage.

Thanks for listening,
Your friend

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