Left To His Own Devices

"Son, what have you got there?"
"Where?"
"In your lap."
"What?"
"In the folds of your robe."
"Huh?"
"Don't play dumb with me. You know the rules."
"Which one? There are a lot of them."
"The one about sneaking your phone into the presidential chambers."
"I know, but..."
"Don't you 'I know but' me, mister."
"Look, I'm sorry. But I really think..."
"Oh, you're thinking now."
"I really think you should see this."
"Really? What is 'this?'"
"It's a tweet from the American President."
"Great. What is he blathering on about now?"
"Well, remember how you were talking about 'the mother of all wars' last week?"
"Yes, yes, yes. Our standard 'death to America' jab. It's part of our regular briefing."
"It seems as though the American President isn't as familiar with our rhetoric as some."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that he went on Twitter and threatened us back."
"That's odd."
"And he did it in all capital letters."
"Really?"
"Look here. It says, 'NEVER, EVER THREATEN THE UNITED STATES AGAIN OR YOU WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE. WE ARE NO LONGER A COUNTRY THAT WILL STAND FOR YOUR DEMENTED WORDS OF VIOLENCE & DEATH. BE CAUTIOUS!'"
"You don't have to shout."
"Sorry, but that's kind of how it's presented."
"Right. And you say this came from the American President's personal Twitter account?"
"Yes sir."
"Not through diplomatic channels?"
"No."
"Not at some state gathering?"
"Nope."
"I wonder how he expected that I would see it, then."
"Maybe he thought you spent as much time on social media as he does."
"That is funny."
"I know."
"It does make me wonder, though."
"What's that?"
"Who writes his stuff. That's great!"