Here's Looking At You, Kid

We'll always have Paris.
Just not right now. Our "President" has withdrawn from the international agreement to deal with climate change. We leave the ranks of one hundred ninety countries that have adopted this treaty, most of whom have already moved to ratify it as part of their nation's world view. It's our planet, after all, We share the responsibility for the earth. It's our home, and it's going up in flames.
Okay, the science department just called and suggested that I walk that last line back a little, since there has not been an uptick in the number of spontaneous combustions over the past few years. Which may be unfortunate, since that's the kind of thing that might bring the kind of focus we need here in an America that is attempting to make itself Great Again. Pets, small children, house plants suddenly ablaze with no apparent explanation, except the temperatures globally rising exponentially since 1980.
And so we find ourselves sitting outside the party, along with Nicaragua and Syria. Looking in. According to World Bank data, Syria and Nicaragua produced about seventy thousand and sixteen thousand kilotons of carbon emissions, respectively, in 2012. The United States, however, emitted more than six million kilotons. That's a lot of emitting. We lead the way when it comes to countries who refuse to take part in the Paris Agreement. Way to go, "President" Trump!
Meanwhile, members of his orangeness' own cabinet are left wondering just what was going through that big pumpkin colored dome. And the Pope. And the nation's business leaders. This includes rumored extraterrestrial Elon Musk, who bailed from his spot on the "President's" advisory council on such matters as climate change and space travel. No word about where Michael Rennie stands on all of this as yet. 
So we wait. And bake. And it occurs to me now that maybe this is all part of some intergalactic threat that we hadn't recognized before. The real alien is the guy in the White House, and his spray tan is really the hide of a being from another planet where temperatures and hair styles are more ridiculous than human beings can normally withstand. "President" Trump is preparing the earth for colonization by a herd of orange-y, whispy haired creatures who thrive on planets that resemble a burned-out husk. Making America a Burned Out Husk would not have been a very effective campaign slogan, however. 
The science department asks me to stick to the facts: Climate Change Real. Paris Agreement Good. "President Trump" dumb. That's science.