Getting To The Bottom Of Things

We don't have to wonder much about what goes through our "President's" head these days: It's generally the roaring wind that sounds a lot like traffic through a tunnel. No stops for turns or consideration. Just a hole through which random thoughts appear and exit, based almost entirely on whatever was most recently on Fox & Friends. Across the ocean, however, there lives a cat who is much more inscrutable. Vlad "What Me Worry" Putin is the guy we should all worry about. That's why it was such a treat to have him sit down with Megyn Kelly for an interview. Surely, the woman who ruffled the feathers of the great Trump bird could help us gain some insights.
But it was not to be. A former KGB agent doesn't let down his guard for anyone. Ever. Did we really believe that Mister Putin was going to look down at his toes and meekly confess to messing up our presidential election? "Ah, Ms. Kelly. You seem to have caught me in a big fib. I humbly ask your forgiveness and from the American people as well. I kept Hillary Clinton from becoming the first woman president because I was afraid."
Nope. Didn't happen. Vlad is made of stronger stuff. He's not the orange meringue who is prone to Twitter fits in the middle of the night. He is not the most interesting man in the world, but he is the man who could have him killed. And there would be no proof. At this point, we have to hope that the Americans involved in this sordid affair will be the ones who cave. Unless someone comes along who has the gravitas to blow the lid off this whole Russian interference imbroglio. 
Enter Oliver Stone. Champion of the Conspiracy Set, Ollie will get to the bottom of whatever might or might not be going on behind that great stone face. Stone asked Stoneface if he ever had an off day, to which Putin responded, “I am not a woman, so I don’t have bad days. I am not trying to insult anyone. That’s just the nature of things. There are certain natural cycles.” While not exactly as trashy as his friend in America, it would seem chauvinism and socialism aren't exclusive schools of thought. Homophobia either. When the director of Any Given Sunday asked Russia's current czar if he’d take a shower in a submarine with a gay man, he replied, “Well, I prefer not to go to shower with him. Why provoke him? But you know, I’m a judo master and a SAMBO master as well.” 
Sounds very manly indeed. Maybe the "Presidents" aren't that different after all. Can world peace be that far behind?
Don't answer that.