"Dear Customers," the letter began, "The debate in the U.S. over gun safety and gun rights is as complex as it is divisive. As a former army officer, a father and business leader, I’ve heard the arguments from all sides." This comes from Chip Bergh, President and CEO of Levi Strauss, the company responsible for keeping my bottom half covered for most of my life. It seems that a customer who was carrying a gun in one of their retail outlets had a little accident and it went off, injuring the patron who was packing heat. Bergh suggested, without calling for a ban on firearms, that shoppers at his stores leave the guns at home when trying on jeans.
What about those who need to figure out just how baggy their trousers need to be to fit a pistol in their waistband? Maybe dressing rooms could be equipped with mock weapons, chained to the mirrors, for just such a purpose.
Or maybe it's time to boycott Levis. Of course it is. We're not going to let the man tell us when and where we can exercise our Second Amendment rights. Of course this is what Al Gore's Internet was filled with last week after the letter was placed online. Yes, there was some common sense responses that suggested that there might be another more reasonable way to view the situation, but for the most part comments immediately equated this request with being un-American.
Ladies and Gentlemen, we have our winner: As of November 30, 2016, there is no sense left to be made. Levis are no longer the blue part of red, white and blue. It remains to be seen if those who participate in such things will be able to simultaneously maintain a boycott against Chipotle, Panera, Whataburger and Levi Strauss. Not to mention Sonic, Chili's and Target. Target? How terribly, awfully, amusingly ironic.
Yes, those who feel most strongly about their denim as a support system for their holsters are going to have to find a new place to buy their jeans. I'm no marketing genius, but it seems like the exact right time to bring the design team in to prepare that new, relaxed fit, gun-totin' fashion statement that simply screams, "I want to bear arms, and I don't care who knows it!" Sadly, it probably won't be Levis that puts these on the shelves, but it would be fun to see the new 357s sitting right next to the 501s. Button fly and incredibly straight fit.