Everything I know about football is wrong. I've been saying that a lot this season. I started out feeling so very clever, having a great many Fantasy Football seasons under my belt, having won the championship of my school teacher league just last year. This makes me a football insider, at least to those within my immediate circle. At least to those in my immediate circle who care about professional sports. This would be the cue for my younger brother to stop reading this post.
What have I done with all this experience? I have applied it systematically to the process of projecting and predicting the outcomes of the performance of athletes in the National Football League. This was not the year to apply science to this endeavor. So much about what we thought we knew about how this stuff works turns out to be run through a Cuisinart of chance and luck. When the fates handed me Michael Vick at the beginning of the season, I figured I could ignore the guy's shady past and focus on his abilities on the field. After all, the folks in Philadelphia had gone out over the off-season and purchased the best supporting cast he could ask for. Michael Vick should have been lighting up scoreboards from start to finish.
The comfort I can take is that I got burned right along with the rest of the point-fiends out there and sent him packing even before cracked ribs sent him to the actual bench. Contrastingly, I smiled kindly as my son grabbed Tim Tebow with his first pick in our family league's draft. I knew that the football wisdom was with Denver's game-managing veteran quarterback, Kyle Orton, who proceeded to win just one game in five tries. That's when all this Tebow stuff began. Again: I know nothing about football.
Meanwhile, my wife has compiled a completely respectable record for her own team, based on her interest in the personal stories of the players on her team. The inspiring story of Jimmy Graham, tight end for New Orleans, for example. And Marshawn Lynch? He went to the same high school as my son, once upon a time. For the record, she's very happy that Madonna is going to be playing the halftime show this year at the Super Bowl.
My wife. She knows everything.