Fortified

At Kellogg, they know you want the best for your family. That's what they tell us, right there on their web site. Right below the notice of a recall of boxes of Apple Jacks, Corn Pops, Froot Loops and Honey Smacks, about twenty-eight million of them. So far, twenty people have complained of nausea and vomiting after eating the tainted cereal. Some who consumed the less-than-fresh morning treats reported the cereal smelled or tasted waxy or like metal or soap.
And then they ate it anyway. It's a sad but interesting truth that we tend to trust Toucan Sam's nose more than our own. When I was a kid, we were happy to have a great big bowl of "Sugar Smacks." Now they have rejiggered the formula to a much more health-conscious "Honey Smack." I'm still fairly certain that, sugar or honey, I wouldn't be wolfing down great spoons full of either if they smelled like metal or soap. Remember, this is coming from a person who has, completely ignoring the serving suggestions on the side of the box, poured a can of Coca-Cola over his Cocoa Puffs before. Those smelled a lot like Cocoa Puffs covered in Coke.
For its part, Kellogg's is willing to issue coupons for replacement packages of this recalled batch. They want us to know that this cereal does not meet their quality standards. It makes me think of the apocryphal tale I was told by my high school English teacher, who insisted that there was more nutritional content in the box that Kix came in than the cereal itself. Of course, she is the same woman who told me that Taco Bell was the number one purchaser of Kal-Can dog food. She lived in a trailer. She taught me a lot, but she was also a little scary.
Even at my advanced age, every so often, I am still fond of the experience of having the roof of my mouth becoming raw from the intensely sugared "fun" found in kids' breakfast cereal. Once my heart rate returns to the normal range and my pupils can adjust to light again, I promise myself, "never again," and if I open the "fresh-seal pouch" and a metallic or soapy odor begins to emanate from within, it probably will be.