DIY

"A lot of kids grow up and say, `I want to be Rambo,' you know? Well, he is," said Gary Brooks Faulkner's brother, Scott. Gary Faulkner was armed with a sword, a dagger, night vision goggles and a pistol, when he was picked up by Pakistani authorities. His mission: to hunt down and kill Osama bin Laden. This had become, according to his brother, his passion in life. Mister Faulkner, a construction worker by trade, had made several previous trips to the border region between Pakistan and Afghanistan, picking up some of the language, and growing a beard to fit in with the locals. Apparently he felt the time was ripe for a strike.

Opinions will vary greatly as to why he was picked up by the Pakistani police. Perhaps they thought he was on to something, and they were desperately trying to cover their own covert tracks. Maybe they were worried about some foreign nut-job wandering around the forest with night vision goggles, hacking and shooting at anything with a beard and a turban. Whatever the case may be, he certainly embodies the pioneer spirit, perhaps as a result of living in the wild west town of Greeley, Colorado. Maybe he was the one who was listening when President Pinhead told us all we'd get that guy, "dead or alive."

Gary Faulkner did what any red-blooded patriot would do: he sold his tools and made it his life's work to bring the mastermind of 9/11 to justice. He was going to do what nearly a hundred thousand highly trained and better equipped U.S. troops have been unable to do for the past nine years. Why wouldn't he be successful?

Then there's the little matter of dialysis. Gary's family says that he might be in trouble if he doesn't get his regular treatment. Not unlike his arch-enemy, he's got bad kidneys. Maybe that's the way he hopes to track him down, with some sort of renal-simpatico-sensitivity. That's something even Rambo didn't have.