Golden Slumbers

It is shocking how quickly one person can usurp another. Here I was, settled and happy in my choice of Bill "I Decide, You Shut Up And Take It" O'Reilly as spokestwit for our generation. We have no math currently to calculate the expanse of his arrogance and hypocrisy. He's like the Energizer Bunny of Right Wing Rhetoric. He keeps going and going and going.
But wait, what light through yonder window breaks? Is it the moon, or is it Glenn Beck? While Bill is having Muppets on his show to apologize for their apparent liberal slant, your buddy Glenn is out there keeping you safe in the event of a worldwide economic meltdown. How will he do this? He tells you to buy gold in anticipation of the collapse of the dollar and the advent of a new world order. It's not exactly 2012, but the planet is in for a pretty hefty shakeup before we know it, and Mister Beck wants us to be ready for the big fall. Buy gold. Got it?
Okay, that's sound advice from survivalists as far back as nine years ago. When the digits were about to roll over and we all feared the worst, we stocked up on duct tape and Krugerands. In the event of some catastrophic event, such as nuclear war or a Roland Emmerich film, it's good to have gold around because you can spend it just like money. Only there won't be any money because the Earth will be overrun by flesh-eating zombies who favor a public option in their health care bill. I used to suggestive sell Arby's Holly Days glasses by telling customers that the tiny bit of gold on the rim would make them legal tender in the event of some worldwide cataclysm. Gold, for lack of a better word, is good.
It's especially good for Glenn Beck. He is, after all, a paid spokestwit for Goldline International, "one of the largest U.S. dealers for you to buy gold." Get a little fear from Glenn, then head straight on over to Goldline and get yourself some bullion. Come on, America! It just makes sense, doesn't it? And if Glenn Beck makes a few bucks on the back end of your heightened paranioa, where's the harm in that?
I guess just the stabbing pain that I get between my eyes when I think about it.