Clear Expectations

On Monday, an eighth grader in Louisiana brought a gun to school. He shot over the head of one teacher, then went into the restroom and shot himself in the head. So far, everyone who say that they knew this kid cannot imagine that he would do such a thing. This is in spite of the fact that he made detailed plans in his "deadly diary" and stole the gun from his father over the weekend. It's an old refrain: "He was quiet and kept to himself. We never would have expected that he would be involved in anything like this."
Why not?
On Monday, a kid brought a gun to my son's middle school. Security personnel caught wind of it and turned the him over to the police before he got it out of his backpack. There was shock and dismay, but no disbelief. In some small way, a kid in Oakland bringing a gun to school doesn't raise the same alarm. Perhaps there is a simple connection to the number of homicides in Oakland compared to any given suburban setting. Our surprise is mitigated by the violence that surrounds us on a daily basis.
Or maybe we should stop taking it for granted. Yesterday I watched a kid write his name on the inside of his brand new RIF book, followed by the legend "Gangsta Crip." This fifth grader had been trying on his thug persona for a few weeks, but it was the "Crip" that struck me. Now he wanted to try on a specific affiliation too. Then I was reminded of a carelessly scrawled bit of graffiti in the stairwell next to the fifth grade classrooms. It read, "Crip." By some coincidence, the RIF book was left in my room, so at lunch I walked out on the yard and asked this young man if he had forgotten something. Then I made a point of walking with him down to the landing where the offending message was. I gave him four tries at denying it, holding the book up next to it, comparing the handwriting letter for letter. Exasperated, he confessed.
He cleaned the wall, with the custodian's help. He got a call home as well. His mother assured me that wouldn't be "having that trouble" with her son anymore. I appreciated the matter-of-fact tone of her voice. I'm pretty sure that she won't be having that trouble with her son anymore either. Because we wouldn't expect that kind of thing from him.