Misspent Youth

One of the first things you learn in Teacher School these days is "Don't Ever Play Dodge Ball." I considered this solid advice as well as validation for all the times I had been pummeled within an inch of my young life during a "friendly game" of dodge ball. I lost track of the number of times that I caught a flattened soccer ball square in the face, sending my glasses skittering across the floor, often with a trickle of blood from my nose just for effect.
Aside from the obvious lessons in Darwinian evolution, what else does this game provide society? It's an outlet for aggression, but if that was supposed to be the end of it, well I can't understand why I was still getting punched in the shoulder later in the day - "two for flinching." There was still plenty of aggression left for the dodge ball pros to pound out the rest of the day. Dodge ball is experiencing somewhat of a renaissance these days. "Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story" starring Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller is probably the most obvious sign of this resurgence. There is a National Amateur Dodgeball Association, whose web site assures us that "Dodgeball is now safe and more enjoyable with rubber coated foam balls, safety conscious rules, and a festive tournament atmosphere." Yeah, right.
I guess they should have been around last month when a youth minister was charged with assault for allegedly knocking a 16-year-old boy down and kicking him in the groin after taking a head shot from the teen in a dodgeball game. Authorities said the teen missed David M. Boudreaux with one throw but then knocked the youth minister's glasses off with the next. The boy apologized, authorities said, but Boudreaux pushed him backward, and when the teen got up again, Boudreaux kicked him in the groin and left. So much for "turning the other cheek." I guess these guys hadn't been reading up on the "new" dodge ball - again I quote from their web site: "Teamwork and strategy are more valuable factors in dodgeball than athletic skill and individual competitiveness. Anyone can play! Experience is countered by enthusiasm. Dodgeball promotes maximum social enjoyment."
Well thanks, but I think I'll stick to something safe - like "Bloody Knuckles."