Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Revenge of the Empire

All this talk about Star Wars lately got me to thinking. The guys in "Clerks" lamented the loss of civilian contractors in the explosion of the second Death Star at the end of "Return of the Jedi" (or was that "Revenge of the Jedi?"). We tend to downplay the loss of civilian life when it isn't a form we recognize - American, human, you get the idea. It's not hard to imagine that some galactic version of Mr. Brady was bringing his interstellar brood on board that day to show off all the latest advances in design and planet-destructing ability when suddenly - Boom! (digital emphasis to be added here in twelve years)
The loss of life, evil or not, is always a tragedy, but the thing that has gone without discussion for these many years is the eventual collapse of the galactic economy. Until now, that is. Once the rebels have ousted the Evil Empire, what future awaits the common folk of - say - Tatooine? Suddenly the vast military industrial complex that was the Empire screeches to a standstill. Every one of those Death Stars was guaranteed jobs for hundreds, if not thousands of certified welders and sheet metal workers - space welders and star sheet metal workers. The vast armada of Star Destroyers didn't just spring up out of nowhere - they were part of a vast and profitable series of contracts with various outside contractors and their employees. And don't think for a moment that they weren't union workers - how else would you explain that little "design defect" that allowed not one but two of these gargantuan space stations to be blasted apart by one man fighters?
Once the Empire exists no more, what happens to all those clones wandering around in white armor? They're going to need real jobs, and they're not exactly equipped for flipping burgers - I would expect them to leave the first dozen or so baskets of fries on the floor judging from their wretchedly poor aim. No, this would require some sort of massive re-education program that would cost millions, if not billions of dollars - er - Republic credits.
What about tourism? Well, the problem with the tourism industry is that all the really cool worlds left in the galaxy have been blown up by the Empire. Would you really want to spend a week with the Gungans on Naboo? "Yousa say yousa wanna daquiri?" No thanks. I'm afraid that the only answer is to start the whole cycle up again. The Empire may have been oppressive, but you know the hyper-trains always ran on time.

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