Thursday, June 23, 2005

Built to Last

"It turns me on to think of growing old." - John Denver
God bless his pointed little head, John may have been on to something in his gee-whiz way. I turned forty-three on Tuesday, and today I went out and picked up my new glasses. Glasses with progressive lenses. Okay, bifocals. I did a lot of moaning about it at the time, and the doctor was very nice and told me that it wasn't any kind of emergency and that I could easily go another year if I wanted to, but the day was coming. Who am I kidding? It's here now. I was holding CD covers up to the light at a certain angle and squinting to make sure I got the right track, I was making vague guesses at serial numbers for warranty forms. The sag of my corneas had begun in earnest.
When I picked up my glasses today, I got a three minute lesson on how to use them. I was instructed to "sit on the couch, read a magazine and watch TV." That was just the kind of hands-on experience I could wrap my head around - maybe even do some full-scale research. When I got home, I started picking up pieces of paper with fine print and practicing on them. I read the ingredients to a Pro-Max bar and found out that they have a gram of trans-fat in them. Maybe I've missed a few "harmful or fatal if swallowed" warnings here and there - thank goodness for that background in stunt-eating.
But what came true at the end of the day was this: I could see again. I've been wearing glasses since I was five years old, and I've been quietly waiting for the day when the lights would go out for good. Not today. Today I read the copyright information off of my son's Star Wars action figures. Not exactly the fountain of youth, but it'll do.


Anonymous said...

You eat stunts?


haywagon said...

Could you use a bigger font in your blog?