What Happens When You Break The Rules?

 The call came in after the school day was over. Even though I was technically still on campus, I chose to define the rule about no cell phones as being over when that last bell rings. 

So I answered. 

The gentleman on the other end introduced himself and inquired as to my well being, which is always a great way to begin. After we exchanged pleasantries, he introduced himself by saying that he represented a program called Upgrade California. He asked if I might be a homeowner, to which I answered in the affirmative. 

At this point, he launched into a description of all the various ways that this state funded initiative might benefit me in terms of upgrades to the home that I own. I confess that I was not listening with my full attention, since I was still nominally at work and in case there were any children that required my immediate attention, I wanted to remain vigilant on their behalf. 

When he finished his schpiel, he asked if there were any outstanding projects that might be suitable. With no students around, and only a couple of colleagues nearby to enjoy my continued performance, I launched into Phase Two. 

"So, if I wanted to build a lab of some sort in my garage, this would be a good use of some of that money?"

I was assured that this would fit within the parameters of the program.

"I just wanted to be sure, you know, since sometimes the government frowns on that kind of thing."

Again, I was assured that all I needed to do was schedule an appointment for an initial inspection.

"And during this inspection, I don't need to explain exactly what kind of lab it's going to be?"

All he wanted to know was what day would work best for me. 

"I'm just thinking that if they found out that I was using my garage as a meth lab, well, you know."

He kept pressing me for the best date and time for my free inspection.

It did occur to me that I was speaking to an extremely pleasant artificial bit of intelligence, so I clarified: "You're saying that I could take these government funds to build a methamphetamine lab in my garage, and there would be no repercussions?"

"Would Sunday work? Or Monday?"

I told him that those tended to be my busiest days, since cooking took place on Saturday nights, that left Sunday and Monday for distribution to keep my customers satisfied.

"How about later in the day on Monday?"

I told him how much I appreciated his understanding and flexibility, but as it turned out, he was more committed to his bit than I was to mine. I congratulated him on his persistence and asked if it was okay to call him back at the number registered on the caller ID just as soon as I hoped that he had a pleasant rest of his day. 

And I hung up.