Come Here Watson, I Need You

 That sound you just heard was the ticking of the clock. My last summer vacation is coming to an end. The ramp up to the new school year has begun in little ways, such as the reorganization of the web page. Old faces will be replaced by new or returning faces. I also waded through the annual flurry of online trainings for pesticide safety, workplace harassment, and mandated reporting. I completed each one of these exercises and was rewarded with an online certificate to prove that I am ready and prepared to be an employee of the Oakland Unified School District. 

This means that I will be on the front lines to try and enforce the district's new edict that there will be not student use of cell phones during the school day. They did not come up with this all by themselves. The powers that be downtown were complying with the new state mandate that insists that students in public schools do not use their cellular devices from "bell to bell." Not in class. Not in the halls. Not at lunch. Meanwhile, these expensive gizmos must be kept in secure backpacks, lockers, or pouches. 

Teachers, parents and administrators are immune. 

Have I recently related just how sensitive fourth graders are to hypocrisy? 

Maybe now would be a good time to suggest that instead of training me on the proper use of cleaning supplies and pesticides, the district might have put together a course on how to put ketchup back into a bottle. 

For the past twenty years, I have attempted to stem the tide of cell phone use on our campus, wondering all along why eight year olds would need to have immediate access to any and all communications from other eight year olds and Al Gore's Internet. I have had to stare down a great many parents who figured they were buying these devices for their children "to keep them safe." Never mind that they are never more than ten feet from a land line and/or an adult who can contact the proper authorities in the event of an emergency. 

Like when Destry forgets his lunch and needs to order up some Door Dash. Or when there's a fight in the girls' bathroom and somebody needs to capture it for posterity on Instagram. 

I understand that I just used the words "posterity" and "Instagram" in the same sentence, and this makes me once again full of dread for the upcoming debates. Please understand that I expect that the majority of our students and caregivers will absorb this change without much fuss. This just leaves, as is the case most often, plenty of room for those fussbudgets to fill the void. 

Have I mentioned recently that I am planning this will be my last year in the classroom?