J-Dop Demon Hunter

 Due to the demands of "the economy and national security and things like that," Julius Domingo Vance hasn't had a chance to take a peek at the concern in which he is most invested. "I've already had a couple of times where I'm like, 'All right, we're going to Area 51. We're going out to New Mexico. We're gonna sort of get to the bottom of this.' And then the timing of the trip just didn't work out. But trust me, anybody who's curious about this, I'm more curious than anybody, and I've got three years of the very tippy top of the classification. I'm gonna get to the bottom of it,"

Hear that folks? The very tippy top of the classification. 

Juan Demarco Vance is going to figure out what all this fuss is about extraterrestrials. Don't you worry about it. 

Or maybe you should worry about it. 

A little bit. 

"Celestial beings, who fly around and do weird things to people" are not necessarily otherworldly visitors. According to Jose Delecata Vance, "I don't think they're aliens. I think they're demons."

This one goes out to all those who feel comfortable with using the twenty-fifth amendment to get the convicted felon out of office, just to be replaced by someone even scarier. Jimmy Dean Vance continued, "I think that the desire to describe everything celestial [as] otherworldly, to describe it as aliens - I mean, every great world religion, including Christianity, the one that I believe in, has understood that there are weird things out there. And there are things that are very difficult to explain .And I naturally go, when I hear about sort of extra-natural phenomenon, that's where I go to, is the Christian understanding."

This is how the recently released UFO files will be dealt with if Jaime Dingus Vance ever gets a chance to break away from his pressing calendar events like berating visiting world leaders and killing popes. Which makes one wonder how Jerry Douglas Vance might use his "Christian understanding" to get to the bottom of those unredacted Trumpstein Files. 

If only the former game show host had been molesting underage extraterrestrials.