Who Watches The Watchmen?

 Apologies for anyone out there who was inconvenienced by last week's closure of the El Paso Airport. 

It might have been that alien forces had returned to nearby Area 51 to retrieve fallen comrades lost in the Secret War against Altar VII. You remember when there was all that fuss and hubbub? Not then. The time when there was all that fuss and hubbub that no one heard about?

Right. 

That was the one. 

Anyway, it seems that the Customs and Border Protection goons were in charge of the protection of our airspace and it seems as though they may have gone a little overboard on the protection part. What they assumed was Altar VII spacecraft approaching our planet from billions of miles away turned out to be four Mylar balloons. To their everlasting credit, they did so with "lasers" with weaponry recently cleared by Pete "War Pig" Hegseth during a late-night tequila binge. It could be that in his altered state, Pete may have gotten the gun before the horse, or however that old saw goes. 

Citizens of Earth! You no longer need to live in fear of an alien invasion from Altar VII or debris from some kid's birthday party. The goons can take care of that. Meanwhile if you're scared of drones being sent by Mexican Drug Cartels to mess with the airspace in and around El Paso, you're probably going to have to wait until that actually happens to see if the "lasers" are as effective on drones as they are on party balloons. 

Also, you might want to keep an eye out for any of the masked goons patrolling the streets of several U.S. cities. They might just be packing heat. Like ray gun heat. 

Sleep tight, America.