Sonny The POTUS

 If, and this is on a high degree of conditionality, you believe Faux News "personality" Jesse Watters, the Cheeto In Chief told him that the reason he is building a beast of a ballroom where the East Wing of the White House used to stand: "I’m building a monument to myself because no one else will."

Which tracks pretty well, all things considered. 

There is a scientific basis for all this renaming and tacking up gaudy bric-a-brac on any and all surfaces around him. Consider, if you will, the cuckoo bird. 

Leaving aside for a moment or two the alleged addictive these avians have for a certain chocolatey breakfast cereal, let us instead focus on the way cuckoos tend to house themselves. They practice a very rare trait called brood parasitism, meaning that they tend to steal other birds' nests. Once their eggs are in place, they kick the actual owner's eggs out and make the place their own. 

Cuckoos do this just a little more surrepticiously than the Orange Worst. They don't tend to hire contractors to place giant golden Ts on the front of the nest or declare that they deserve to be recognized in perpetuity for building something that has been part of the collective cuckoo history for decades. This is how they differ from the flightless orange bird who is currently stealing the nest of American Democracy. 

In many ways, the way that your average dog marks his territory has more in common with the way the convicted felon is attempting to insinuate himself into our culture. As a measuring stick, even Putin and Kim Jong Un lack the temerity to name an entire class of naval ships after themselves. 

Not content to wait around to see if his legacy sticks, the featured player in the Trumpstein Files seems compelled to make his mark on a country that even now wonders how this buffoon got where he is in the first place. 

The answer is simple.

He's cuckoo.