Newsletter

 Dear Friends and Family,

2024 has been a heck of a year. I don't know if you heard, but dad got his old job back! This is great news because it means he won't be hanging around the club, bragging about that nine foot putt he almost made. Oh, and also he won't be going to jail!

Sorry, buried the lede there. 

I've been staying busy with my podcast and attending all those amazing events my dad puts on. I've met all kinds of celebrities and junk like Kid Rock and Hulk Hogan. I know what you're thinking, but the Hulkster is really a complex guy. Did you know he pre-shreds all his own shirts? Also, as it turns out the campaign trail just may be the trail to true love for this guy. I met Bettina in Palm Beach, just a chip shot from Mar A Lago, and I can't tell you how relieved dad was to hear that even though Kim and I will always have a special bond, getting her a job in Greece will make this transition so much easier!

With my former fiancée off to Greece and the need to dispute vote tallies from this past election, I suppose you're wondering what yours truly will be up to over the coming year. Well, first of all there's a whole lot of endangered species that still need to be stuffed and mounted for display on the walls of the club, and while I'm happy to have some "bro time" with my "bro," it gives me a chance to take out my petty frustrations on innocent animals. Until we have to turn back the latest immigrant caravan, I'll just have to settle for the occasional white leopard or Mongolian sheep. 

And I know you're all waiting to hear about my ever-changing responsibilities in the family business, and I wish I could tell you more right now, but dad says that keeping an eye on his personal line of fragrances will be pretty much a full-time job. I suppose it will be a step up from bankrupting casinos and maintaining that perfect three-day's growth of facial hair that makes me look so darn cool and not at all like a vagrant. 

Vagrants are poor. 

I'm not. 

So that's about it from the top of the Tower. I hope you and your loved ones enjoy the Christmas season, unless you don't celebrate as God intended. In which case I hope you rot in hell. 

- Don Jr.